Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
