I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
be right there i have to get my cape
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
