he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
