He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
