The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
