I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I am naked and annoyed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
