I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
