My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
