i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
