The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
