Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
