I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
