I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
