I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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