Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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