mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
