Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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