fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
