He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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