i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My ass is underappreciated
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
