Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
