I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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