I haven't been this sober since birth.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think people are normalizing furries
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
