He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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