Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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