just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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