Non-Jews are for practice
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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