My hair reeks of homosexuality.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
