Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
