If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
