do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
