Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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