WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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