dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
