My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
