I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
