I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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