while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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