dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
