Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
