i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
