Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
