my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
