im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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