so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize