JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
