Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
