Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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