Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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