Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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