your room smells of hookers.
And success
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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