I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
