ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
