Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
