I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
