my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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