kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Damn victory sex feels great
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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