Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
