Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
