For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
