is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
