I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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