if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
