Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
