South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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