Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
