One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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