JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
