I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
