Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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