did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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