im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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