so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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