dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
