Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Green mimosas i think yes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
