Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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