How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
