I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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