I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
