I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
