Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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